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How To Be A Kick Ass Relationship Coach

Relationships are certainly the most important part of our lives. They bring so much meaning and contentment to us and to those around us. We gain happiness from the positive relationships we have build in our lives and looking back, those are all that would matter.

Everyone of us in in relationships ! They take many forms. In order for us to gain the skills to develop such relationships, everyone needs the right coach with the right skills. Before you even read further – there is one quality you need to have if you want to be a relationship coach – empathy.

Today’s blog I will discuss the following!

  1. What is a coach?
  2. Traditional coaching vs intuitive coaching
  3. Our process
  4. The problem with the relationship coaching industry at the moment
  5. The coaching equation
  6. Do I need a certification?

What is a coach?

A coach does things very differently. The first thing you need to know is that you’re not a counsellor, a consultant, or a therapist. You’re not here to give advice. You’re not here to pity your clients and get emotional with them and give them solutions and tell them, “ Oh yes, leave him because he’s abusive.” You are here to give your clients a supportive environment. Remember coaching deals with healthy minded individuals.You’re here to give your clients a nurturing environment to make rational decisions.

You’re here to help them evaluate and critically think about their choices. You provide them a conducive non biased environment to make decisions by setting targetsgrowing and developing. Your job is to keep them accountable. When you have sessions with your client, let’s say biweekly and the client comes back, they promise to do some tasks from last week – did they really do it? A lot of clients will promise to do things but do not do it. As their coach, you have to make them stay accountable to themselves.

You usually help your clients set goals realistically and ways to achieve them effectively . A lot of clients might set unrealistic goals. If the relationship is really gone bad and you know that there’s no way that it could be improved and your client still wants him back, it’s your job to help her be realistic about the situation. It won’t be easy, but you have to let your client see the options and think for herself how she should be more realistic.

 As a coach you help clients get past their roadblocks because as a coach, especially as an intuitive relationship coach, you’ve got to tell them about blocks they don’t even know exist.

You also going to help them break their limiting beliefs because many of them are stuck in a fixed mindset. They’re stuck in traditions and mindsets which are not serving them. You will help them break their limiting beliefs and create new concepts into their lives. 

Of course, expanding their comfort zones. A lot of them would want to do things that they have brainstormed about but not do it because of the fear of trying something new and your presence will help them expand their comfort zone and gain confidence. Many of my clients don’t like trying new things, just because it “seems” alien. As their coach you need to first show them the available options and encourage them to get out of their comfort zones.

Being present is important. Now, if you’re having a personal problem, if you are not well or if you too many things happening during Christmas, please reschedule your appointments because it’s really, really unfair to your clients for you to appear for an appointment and not be present. The one thing you must give them is your presence and your unconditional attention. Lastly, the most important thing is for you to be reliable. If you have promised your client to show up, please show up. If you’ve had a bad night and you can’t show up, please let the client know. A coach has to set the right example to her clients for the trust to grow in the relationship.

This is a $2 billion industry and it is going to double in the next 5 years. Everybody wants to be a relationship coach. How are you going to be different and why should YOU become a coach? The money is a turn on. Of course you want to come here and you want to make money, but the most important thing a coach must have is that you must have a vision. You’ve got to ask yourself, why do I want to become a relationship coach? Do I want to change my life? Do I want to change the life of my clients? Do I want to just be rich? Do I want to really find a rewarding life purpose? 

So find your compelling vision? Why have you come here to become a relationship coach? Now, if your vision is strong enough and if your vision has one or two or three of the things that I mentioned above then you are at the right place. Any one coming here just wanting to be a coach but does not have a compelling vision behind it -let me just tell you this is really not for you, but if you’re going to come here with a vision of wanting to change your life and the life of somebody else and using this purpose to reward your clients and yourself and give them brand lease in life and then you are at the right place.

Traditional Coaching Vs Intuitive Coaching

So to conclude, you help them to set targets, be accountable to themselves, find their roadblocks, find their own solutions, and get empowered. How can you do this ? You are going to learn various tools which I’m going to teach you, and your duty as a coach is to use this tools to help them. I have created amazing checklists, complete forms and quizzes where you can actually really tap into the client’s situation and find their REAL problem.

Most traditional relationship coaching programs give you a one standard program to every single client and thus it is ineffective for varying relationship problems. Advice provided is generic and doesn’t apply to every individual client blueprint. It is rigid and external and the solutions tend to solve the symptoms, not the problem. Thus you work with client problems on a generic level and help them steer their way along. So what happens at with a traditional relationship coach – you meet your clients, hear their problems and discuss strategies to deal with it. A lot of the solutions given are based on what you have perceived about your relationship and the coach will guide you based on the situation.

As an intuitive coach, we approach things differently. We don’t just give our clients generic advice – a one size fits all for all relationships! Simply because we are all different and thus our problems are different and so must the solutions! Clients come to us with the symptoms they are feeling in the relationship. They are lonely, sad, abused or unloved. They might be subject to name calling by their partner or they fee their partner is acting suspicious.

 So how they feel or what they are experiencing are the symptoms- not really the problem because if I’m feeling unconnected to my partner, if I’m feeling resentment or unloved by my partner, that is not really a problem. That is a symptom from a problem which exists in my relationship.

Thats the key thing to remember. Using our intuition (which we all have but lies untapped) we use our intuitive tools to link our client’s symptom to her problems and we can actually tell her what the real problem is.

Can you see how empowering being an intuitive relationship coach is? You tell your client her problem! 

So for example, if she with a man and she’s constantly feeling unloved, and feels he doesn’t have time for her, he’s not sincere about his feelings and suspects he’s keeping me a secret. What she has told you are JUST the symptom. If you delve deeper into the issue, you will actually find out that your client is actually the girlfriend of a married man. So the problem of this whole situation is basically infidelity. 

Can you see how the problem is not the same as the symptom. When we have a fever is the body’s defence mechanism to react to something that’s not right. So in the same way feeling unloved resentment and unwanted is because you are the other women in this relationship. The problem is infidelity with the symptoms of feeling unwanted and unloved. 

We don’t only give them the problems we also take them through our special relationship re engineering process.

Our process

So how does the process work? When I meet a new client, and she tells me about her “problem” – I intuitively check into her and her partner’s blueprint to check a few things using my intuitive tools. Each and everyone of us has a higher consciousness, but we do not tap into it but this is where we get answers and know what clearly happens. We all have an intuition -we just need to learn to access and hone it. Our intuition to give us he following answers.

  1. What her elemental type is
  2. What his elemental type is
  3. The shared karma
  4. The life theme
  5. The congestions & incongruences in the relationship

The information you get about my client is powerful information – it tells you their compatibility score, the baggage you have accumulated in this partnership and the reason why you are experiencing certain experiences in your relationship. This information will enhance realisation and consciousness in their relationship. The REAL problems – the congestions and incongruences will tell your client what has transpired at some earlier stage in her or her partner’s life to have caused this drama and you give her a permanentrevolutionary solution.

The problem with the relationship coaching business at the moment 

What most relationship coaches in the industry have got it all wrong. They are either simply obsessed with the latest traffic source or marketing tool and completely ignore the real deal – which is to solve client problems. Most worry about he latest facebook ads feature, the next best targeting option or click funnels. In reality, they don’t have the right tools to help their clients. 

Also truthfully, as a relationship coach starting your own path, you need some business skills which most relationship coaches don’t have and aren’t taught.

When I first became a coach, it was really difficult for me to master the business side of things because I was not a trained business woman. And over the years with my experience, I’ve realised that learning to become an effective coach not only requires you to know the workings of being a good coach, but at the same time you need to know how to be effective in getting clients. I hugely focus now on getting the business side of things right because if you don’t have clients, you don’t have a business! A lot of times people need a business coach when they become a relationship coach to help them how to handle the business side of things because it is equally important.

Results. I speak from experience here; it is one of the most empowering feelings in the world when you see your clients find themselves in their relationships and make empowering decisions.My goal as a coach is really to see my client get results, and most traditional coaches don’t really have a way to measure that. My client usually come see me because they are in bad relationships. They usually want their boyfriends to come back, their husbands to be faithful, or they really want to find love because they don’t want to be alone. I can’t promise to bring their boyfriend back. I can’t make sure that their husband stays loyal. I can’t make sure that they attract love in their life. What I mean by results is I help my clients get empowered in their relationship. I make them feel confident and enough to either move forward without regret or fix the relationship. And that is what I call results. This is what I call empowerment.The pinnacle of this feeling for me was when one of my clients recently managed to get out a dead marriage of 20 years after some re engineering work.

The Coaching Equation

Like I mentioned earlier, its a huge industry. Let me introduce you to the coaching equation. This is how we go about creating value in the marketplace as a coach. If you’re new and you don’t have a target market, if you have never started a coaching business before and you’re like, “What am I going to do? How am I going to make any money? I don’t know anything. I don’t know any problems to solve. I don’t even have a Target Market.” I’m going to show you how it works. I’m going to show you how it’s really quite simple.

What is the coaching equation? It looks like this, just like we had our law of nature which was the thesis, antithesis and synthesis. We have target market, offer and result. We choose a target market and then we look at the target market and we’re like, “What is the problems of this target market?” You must choose a target market which is a group of people. We want to make sure that they’re similar and we must identify a painful problem that they want to solve. What’s a problem that they have, then we must identify a powerful desire for a solution or transformation they have. What is their current situation and what is their desired situation?

Then we have an offer. An offer is the promised solution, service, information or advice that you provide. It should be designed to solve the problem and achieve the desire of the target market. When you create an offer, you don’t just make some stuff up, you don’t just throw some stuff in a bag like most relationship coaching practices. You look at your target market and you look at where their current situation is, then you look at where their desired situation is. You didn’t make those up, you actually went to the target market and asked them. Now you’ve designed an offer that is designed to help someone get from their current situation to their desired situation. It should be designed to solve the problem and achieve the desired result of the target market. It should be minimal in terms of your time and offer value.

Then the two collide. The target market and the offer. Here, the way to think about it is literally just like a chemical reaction. Imagine if we had the target market, the current situation and the desired situation, then we put it into contact in a test tube with an offer that we’ve designed. Now the two are in contact with each other, they’re reacting. There’s going to be some change. The person is told to do this thing, the person is told to do that thing, then the person tries doing that thing and they try doing that thing. Now things are changing, change is taking place, things are shaking up and there’s a reaction. After the reaction comes the result.

That really is how simple it is. It’s a target market, an offer and a result. The target market collides with the offer, then comes about a result.

It can also be reduced into an equation like this 

Target Market x Offer = Result. 

How do we understand if we get something right or wrong here. The end result should be what was desired at the start and nothing else. The result should be as close as possible in the least amount of time possible. We’re looking for results that are profound.

If you have identified the right target market and give them the right offer, there is no way there won’t be a result! When our clients gets results, we get results – its the mirror effect!

Do I need relationship coaching certification?

No, you don’t have to be certified to be a relationship coach!But being trained in intuitive coaching techniques, counselling skills and modern research on cognitive behaviour can definitely go a long way in getting clients on board. This can help you become an exceptional relationship coach who can help people achieve their goals When you are trained to be a relationship coach, you will gain credibility and learn better teaching methods, thereby making you more efficient.

The self learning processes are created with the idea of evaluating your coaching skills and creating parameters or benchmarks to help you improve. It also shows your clients that you are committed to becoming a relationship coach and have valuable knowledge that will make an impact in the world!

Wouldn’t it be amazing to help people improve mentally, physically and personally? And imagine doing this while living the life of your dreams in a career that gives you all the happiness in the world!

No matter what profession you are in right now, whether you’re an executive, a current coach, close to retirement, or even a stay at home parent, by becoming a certified professional relationship coach, you can help the people overcome challenges and achieve lasting results in their relationship. 

Kaysha Ubrani

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