Are you a control freak?

Controlling and changing  your partner.

The biggest challenges that couples experience in relationships is that they operate from a belief that they can successfully change who their partners are as people and how they routinely behave. We often get attracted to people who aren’t like us and whilst in the relationship there are things, patterns and behaviours about them we don’t like or get put off by. 

During the early stages of a relationship, which is usually the honeymoon stage, the partners often ignore each others’ faults and idiosyncrasies while believing that in time they can successfully get a partner to change. Rather than come to terms with what underlying issues are that bother them, they step over these troubling matters, rationalizing that they can simply later find a way to get a partner to change in a way that better honours their values and coincides more closely with their life rules. Stepping over means, putting it aside, thinking it will go away or they will change later. Unfortunately that doesn’t usually happen. 

Why do we want to control our partner?

This stems from one word EGO. Have you noticed the constant need to be right? Feel superior and all knowing? It seems like we do enjoy being the boss. It gives up power and control. We feel quite accomplished and falsely “fulfilled” and proud of ourselves when we keep saying:

— “I told you so.”

— “I was right.”

— “When are you going to learn to listen to your wife?”

It gives us a sense of false pride.

“I was right. Again.”

This insistence on altering the other person is often sourced in a desire to dominate them, control situations, and avoid being controlled themselves. Much of the suffering and struggle that accompanies most relationships is because of each person’s addiction to being right. We have no control over our partners free will. A ll too often, each individual will sacrifice happiness, peace of mind, relationship harmony, and the potential for a lasting and rewarding union simply because of the need to dominate and have their way. This need to control situations and force the other person to comply with the dominant partner will surely result in tension, unending arguments, and damage to the relationship.

Here is how you indirectly control your partner  without realising it.

  • You’re trying to “arrange” a job for him.
  • You’re the main care-taker of the finances and the household at all times.
  • You’re the main decision maker of long-term plans, including where your relationship is going.
  • You find yourself telling him what to do more often than genuinely coming to him for advice.
  • He is “in trouble” more times than not.
  • He’s hiding things from you or lying.
  • He runs most of his decisions by you. Even the colour of his underwear.
  • He would rather ask for permission than be sorry.
  • He tries to play it safe all the time. With his decisions, plans and life.
  • You keep comparing him to other alpha men

Here are a few things you need to know that can alter how you look at your relationship.Your relationship experience is all about you. Own it. Create it. You can manifest your own “perfect” experience by changing yourself.You attracted this partner and his quirks consciously or unconsciously. You and your partner are different on a soul level and you need to give him a space to be who he is – accept his uniqueness, his quirks and all. Controlling your partner isn’t the solution to a happy union.

Soul Clean up & Relationship Clearing When you clear yourself, your partner and also your relationship from a soul perspective, you will learn why your soul chose this experience. Doing a relationship clearing will tell you how many lifetimes you and your partner have been together. More importantly it will tell you life lessons and unfinished karma thats affecting your relationship. Knowing this is enlightening. When I know what karmic bonds we have and what this person is supposed to teach us – we can then consciously make choices not to get aggravated or hassled in our relationship. 

We will also find out vows, contracts, connections and any other block that is making this union difficult. Our souls have much karma they carry forward and due to soul amnesia we don’t remember it. But repeating patterns in our life keep happening due to this past life blocks.

If you have a frustrated partner, you attracted him. There must be a part of your life you are frustrated about. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t be in denial. Correct that frustration in your life and things with him will change. Change your vibration. Your partner will change to suit you or deselect You aren’t going to fix your partner – but knowing yourself and your partner from a spiritual perspective will make you realise if the relationship is really serving you.